Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
