I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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