I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
