Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
