if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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