hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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