where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
