Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
