dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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