Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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