I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
