Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
