Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
