i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
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HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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