eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
