i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
