Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
