dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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