Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
ttyl tear gas
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
