Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
