ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
