im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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