all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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