It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
bring money and cleavage
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
