His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
