I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
