i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
