I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
