fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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