I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
