you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
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it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
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I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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