Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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