Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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