Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
