I smell stomach acid.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
