We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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