you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
