My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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