I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
