I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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