i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
