you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've blown a few things in my day
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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