He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
thus making me awesome and them whores
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
