1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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