I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
