I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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