UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
