So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize