She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
