New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
