HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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