we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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