i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize