What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
