At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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