in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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