no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
