i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
