she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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