sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize