Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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