Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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