That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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