The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
