I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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