Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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