you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
