I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
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Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
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I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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