Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
