i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
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I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
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Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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