hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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