If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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