last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
