onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
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