why didn't you poke me back
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Randomize
