it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
