Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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