his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
